How do you know?
by TiaKisu
Summary: Because he would rather live an eternity just being her friend than spend one lifetime without her by his side. - A short 2nd person shot. Sinbad/Maeve.


_So, what to say about this one?_

_It's an experiment, in many ways.  
I lately read some really great 2nd person works and felt intrigued by the concept – so much so that I wanted to try it out myself. The result is this little shot featuring S1 Sinbad. It might be slightly OOC, depending on how you interpret his character, but personally I quite like making him be a little insecure beneath the surface._

_Whether this turned out to be good or not I will completely leave up to you. I for one truly enjoyed writing this – which, to me, is a huge achievement considering I haven't been able to write _anything_ I liked in the past month. But, without further ado, here's the little shot. I hope you enjoy! :)_

* * *

**How do you know?**

How do you know you are in love, you wonder?  
How do you know that what you feel is more than what a friend should harbor for another?

You have asked yourself the question far too often already; have contemplated it until you doubted the very meaning of the word itself.

_Love_.

It is what you feel for the parents you hold no memory of.  
It is what you feel for the brother who is your friend, your family and your home.  
It is what you feel for the girl who was taken from you when you could barely understand what her promise of marriage would truly mean.  
You even love the sea, you know, although this is a different kind of affection altogether.

However, none of this is equal to what stirs inside you when you think of _her_.  
None of this compares.

You know you love your parents because you can see them in Doubar – your mother's gaze, her gentle smile, and your father's honesty. You have no idea how you can tell but deep inside you just _know_ and each time you tell your brother, in your mind you also tell them.

You know you love Doubar because it is so easy to recognize: This bond that ties you to the one you owe your life to in so many different ways.  
It has been there ever since you can remember, clear and strong, unspoken and yet so evident that people don't even need to see the likeness of your pale eyes to comprehend you two are kin to each other.  
He is your protector, your haven and even though you have now grown to be a man you will never cease to every now and again think yourself back to all the times that he held you when you were a child.

You know you love Lee because she was the only one your age who cared, because she was the only one who saw past the orphan and looked at the boy who just wanted to belong.  
She did not judge you when all the others did - calling you names and thinking you were easy prey for there was no father to run to and no mother to tend to your wounds.  
You are aware that your feelings for her are innocent - the echoes of a unique friendship that was taken from you so suddenly, but you still call it love and you rightfully do so.

Finally, you know you love the sea despite all what she has done to you, admire her for not letting anyone tame her. You have attempted to - by Allah, you did. You dared her when she was angry and wild, wrested speed from her when she was tired and calm. You let her play with you only to learn of her nature and understand her better.  
You have almost mastered her, others certainly think you already did, but you know better than that. Because she will always be free and the knowledge that she will is what makes you be this good a captain.  
You listen to her like a lover would, you endure her tantrums and you hate her when she betrays you. Your God only knows how much you despised her every time she took someone from you, and there were days when all you wanted was to take revenge.  
Yet, when it comes down to it, you still cherish her.

But all this - all this is different from what you feel for _her_.  
All this cannot compare to what _she_ makes you see.

You know this, don't you?

You know that your heart speaks of something new whenever you are with her. The way it beats just a tad faster when your gaze but grazes her, the way your breath almost hitches when she smiles at you.  
You are not someone known to be at a loss of words, you always know a smart retort and have never found it difficult to be around women. They are easily attracted to men like you, you learned that very early. But _she_ – she is different. She makes you stutter, makes you back down. She is not afraid to give you a piece of her mind, doesn't care at all that you are her captain and that she would owe you a little respect. She snaps at you and sometimes you don't even know why she does.  
You would never allow any other to treat you like this, but with her you just accept it. Telling yourself you grant her so much freedom because she is DimDim's pupil and might well be your only chance of getting him back one day. But somewhere in your mind you're aware that you are only fooling yourself for the reason is another.

To you, she is fire and she is light.  
She is heat and she is cooling.  
She is mystery and she is disclosure.  
She kindles feelings that you never had before, not like this, and at the same time she confines them, keeping you at the edge of something you cannot understand but are craving for nevertheless.

And you still wonder whether this is love.

Haven't you already found the answer within yourself?  
Haven't you already found it in the way she seems to brighten up the world with just her presence – how she can turn a rainy day into a promise of life?  
Haven't you already found it in how much you fear to lose her one day? That she could just vanish from your life as quickly as she stepped into it?

You are afraid to admit it even to yourself – the truth that lies within your heart. You are scared to acknowledge what you feel because with love there always also came loss in your life. And more than anything you fear that she, too, might be taken away from you one day.

Like your parents.  
Like Lee.  
Like Doubar in that raging storm three years ago.

The sea had mercy on him, and you thank her every single day for that, but what if she will not be as forgiving with _her_, you wonder. What if she does not allow any other the reign over your heart?  
And thus you keep asking yourself; doubt what you undeniably feel because you deem it safer for the both of you.

Because you would rather live an eternity just being her friend than spend one lifetime without her by your side.

But what if you still were to lose her tomorrow? What if you would never get to say what you know is written all over your soul? Would you be able to live with the regret? Would you deny your grief, just as you have denied your love?  
It could lead you on paths you have never wanted to tread, but I know you are willing to take the risk. Because just for once in your life you aren't courageous. She has taught you modesty and she has taught you to remain silent. Even when a storm is already gathering you continue to keep your secret, keep the truth locked away, sealed with the promise of a future that you both are hoping for.

And maybe, just maybe, the sun will rise again after a long and dark night.  
Maybe, at last, you will not have to wonder anymore because you have learned to trust your heart and you remembered to be brave again.

Because then you truly know it's love.


End file.
